


Safe

by Dear_alexander_potter



Category: Glee
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Why Did I Write This?, blaine is a judge on the voice, what is this title?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22024003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dear_alexander_potter/pseuds/Dear_alexander_potter
Summary: Blaine remembers his old ways, at the worst possible time. But kurt is there to make him feel safe.TRIGGER WARNINGS-self-harm, panic/anxiety attack, implied suicidal thoughts
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> This is based in the future of another fic I read on here called Hear Me by @princeyitz a while ago, so I recommend you read that first! Basically Blaine struggles with self harm/suicidal thoughts and when he goes and sings Teenage Dream in New York he tells Kurt about this (he never cheated)  
> It’s been a while since I read it so I’m sorry if I contradict anything mentioned there.  
> Flashbacks are in italics.
> 
> PLEASE HEED TRIGGER WARNINGS

Blaine sighed as he took his seat. He just wanted this day to be over so that he could go home and snuggle with Kurt. Today marked 6 years since he told Kurt about his self harming, and he had honestly never felt closer to relapsing. Blaine was now in his second season as a judge on The Voice and they were in the Blind audition phase. He loved this job, really he did. Nothing made him happier than making others dreams come true, except Kurt of course. Blaine smiled at the thought of his husband who would be waiting for him at home later. Kurt had a show today but they were both off work tomorrow, and planned to spend the day in a fun;) way. Focusing on that thought Blaine looked up, took a deep breath and plastered a smile on his face for the audience.

*

After a few more waves and smiles the crowd’s roars died down and they started the show. The first few acts went past without a hitch, two made it through to the next stage. Blaine was just beginning to enjoy himself when-  
No. Not this song. Not today. The first chords of Teenage Dream began playing, Blaine recognised them instantly. How could he not. This song had changed his life twice, in such different ways. Blaine was overcome with a wave of memories.

There was their first meeting - _Blaine lay awake that night, thoughts of Kurt dancing in his mind. He was cute, that much was undeniable, and blaine felt as though he recognised him from somewhere, like his dreams. Blaine wished Kurt would transfer, but there was no way he would. He had probably scared him off, who just grabs a random strangers hand. Great he had ruined another thing now._

And then the day he knew something had to change - _Blaine shivered at the familiar feeling of blade piercing skin. He drew it across his skin a few more times when his phone started to ring, Kurt.  
And that was when Blaine knew, he had to stop this, if not for himself, then for Kurt. He couldn’t put his boyfriend through this. Blaine knew he needed help, but he was afraid of being judged. What kind of freak cut themselves up just for some sick sense of relief. Kurt had once said he would never judge Blaine. Now he was his only hope._

Blaine felt the familiar feeling of anxiety wash over him. Sweat poured down his back, he felt himself start to shake. The pit seemed to engulf him. He was drowning, drowning. But wait, now he was spinning. This didn’t usually happen. No. He wasn’t spinning. His chair was. The song was over.   
But Blaine’s panic wasn’t.   
“Blaine, you alright there?” his costar was concerned, but tried to keep their voice light for the audience. Blaine tried to breathe, to calm down but, there were too many people. Everyone was watching. What the hell was he doing. Shaking. Gasping. Tears welling up. Other voices began to join in, but only one penetrated Blaine’s wall of despair.  
“Blaine, Honey, Blaine. Listen to me baby. Deep breaths. Breathe for me Blaine.” Kurt. Kurt was here, and he was holding Blaine. Safe. Blaine collapsed forward into Kurt’s chest. Sobs wracking his body and soaking Kurt’s shirt. “Kurt.” The strangled word pierced Kurt’s heart. “Shh baby. I’m here Blaine. It’s all gonna be alright. You’re safe.” He rubbed a soothing hand on his husband’s back.   
Kurt was his safe place, his everything. He hated that he had let him down like this. “I’m sorry Kurt.” “What was that honey?” “I-I’m so-sorry” Blaine’s whisper was just loud enough for Kurt and noone else to hear.  
“Hey, hey hey. No baby, you don’t have to be sorry. You never have to apologise for this, okay. This isn’t your fault, I know that, and I hope you know that too, yeh?” “yes.” And maybe somewhere, deep down, Blaine knew it was true. He sniffled, Kurt cupped his husband’s cheek and tilted his head upwards. “You’re safe.” Blaine nodded and attempted a smile. Kurt smiled back, glad to see his love at least trying to be happy again. “Now then. If you want we can go home, eat, cuddle, watch a film, whatever you want” he smiled, “Or... You can stay here, finish the show and I will be just over there.” Kurt pointed to his empty seat.   
Oh shit.   
How had Blaine forgotten. They weren’t alone in their flat, they were in a T.V. studio with hundreds of people surrounding them. They had seen everything. The cameras had seen everything. Thank god this show wasn’t live.   
The thought of everyone seeing how weak he truly was almost sent Blaine over the edge again. But Kurt was here now. And he was safe. “Blaine?” Blaine nodded quickly, “I’ll stay.” He mumbled. Kurt nodded and kissed his forehead. Blaine was sure he could feel the blush rising up his face. Kurt grinned and turned to walk back to his seat. The crowd started cheering again, if quieter than before. “Wait-“ Blaine wasn’t sure what made him say it. “Stay with me?” he pleaded, puppy dog eyes wide. “Of course.” Blaine giggled and shuffled over in his seat to make room for his husband.  
The crowd clapped, Blaine’s fellow judges wolfwhistled and the happy couple giggled. Kurt was glad to see his husband smile, glad that these people seemed to care about him too.  
“Alright then lets get this show back on track!” Blaine grinned at the audience, he couldn’t stop the slight shake in his body and he knew there would be questions, he knew there would be news articles, but he didn’t want to think about that, he just wanted to focus on the next acts, and his adorable husband cuddled in next to him.   
“I love you, you know that,” It was meant to be a whisper only Kurt heard, but the “awwwww” from behind them made Blaine realise that his mic was now back on. Blaine wanted to curl up and die, just not quite in the same way as before, he didn’t really care that everyone had heard-he loved Kurt and he didn’t care who knew it. There were times when he just wanted to climb on a roof and scream how lucky he was. It was a refreshing change from what he used to want to do on a roof.  
“Alright THAT bit haaaas to stay in!” exclaims one of the judges, clapping and making everyone laugh at their fangirling.   
“You’re such a goofball” Kurt giggled to his husband, grateful for the mood shift this had created, “I love you more tho-agh shit!” he yelled and clung to his husband’s shirt, Blaine laughed again, Kurt clearly hadn’t been prepared for the chair to turn back. “Stop laughing at me” he pouted and resettled himself. “Sorry” Blaine snickered as the lights dimmed.

*

A few more acts passed by and Kurt was struggling with wether to ask how his husband was, and risk reminding him about the attack, or do nothing. But his instincts, or as he called them Blainstincts, told him to ask. “You good?” he whispered softly, laying his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “Yeh” Blaine smiled down at him, and it was the truth. At least for now.

**Author's Note:**

> i might write a part two to this? like when they go home that night? im not sure let me know if you have any ideas. Feedback is appreciated!


End file.
